Come on, ask you a question. Do you think that people who don’t care about how others see me are more self-conscious, or are they very concerned about how others see me? Perhaps we always feel that those who don’t care about how others see themselves are living very self and doing their own thing, as if their world lacks the eyes of others, and they don’t know how to look at themselves with others’ eyes and constrain themselves. However, from another angle, those who care very much about how others look at me and strictly demand that they do not look different from the society, are they not self? Perhaps they actually live more concerned about themselves and always make sure that the steps between me and others are inconsistent. In their eyes, they can never forget my life and live freely. Perhaps when they stretch their arms, the first thing they think of is whether their angles of open arms are the same as others, will they bother others, Will not be annoyed? Japanese writer Kato Kazuo has studied an interesting phenomenon. He tries to analyze how people become obedient children. He quoted psychologist Maslow’s research and found that children often kill their own joy and emotion in order to seek the recognition of others, because for children, the most terrible thing in the world is to lose the hearts of people around them. Because of this, many parents use the rewards and punishments to discipline their children as they grow up. They point out a way for their children to please themselves, so that their lives can be more convenient. Kato mentioned the story of a girl who was left out of her parents when the girl gave birth to her second baby. At first she tried to get the attention of her parents with quarrels and jealousy. She did not expect her parents’ reaction to be worse than expected. So she began to learn to be a sensible child, when she found out that this trick worked, her parents praised her, full of love, in this process, she learned to please others, make themselves appear to be needed A shortcut to interact with people. When the girl grew up and fell in love, she always reluctantly accepted her feelings. The more unfair she was, the more she tried to please herself. She made herself a big net for her boyfriend to ask for, because she believed that Only those who are needed can be loved. Yes, people do everything they need to end their horizons. In fact, they want to feel loved. Love gives us a sense of security, but at the same time, the need for love also gives us a great sense of insecurity. When we try to integrate society, please the society, and want to use gregarious as a ticket to get loved, it actually implies the desire we want to be loved by this society. How much you want, how painful it is. Then we think back and forth, why are these mavericks, special People who are excellent, especially weak, or who are different from others are so annoying? Perhaps this question is not so difficult to solve. The more people who want to integrate into the group and turn the group consciousness into self-worth, they have paid a lot of spirit. They follow the procedure, step by step, absorb group information, lay out their own contacts, and even sacrifice their own pleasure, just to meet the expectations and interests of the group. At this time, if there is an intruder, or let yourself behave themselves Appearing like a fool, it will naturally become an object of being hated. I was looking forward to being able to find a group of love among the groups. However, because they have gathered a lot of anger, they must blame an unbalanced mind for a certain person and bully him! Who taught him to be different from us. But obviously everyone wants to be loved, but we use the hatred of someone to express the pain of pursuing love. We can’t help but wonder if everyone hates the single person, or is it actually himself?